I had an epiphany. Suddenly, everything is fine. Because I cannot type this out sensibly, I will offer a log of what I told somebody else.

[22:24]: Basically, it was about how I learnt in college that I didn't like art, and it wasn't art I was infatuated with. I'm not an artist, and that's fine by me.
[22:24]: What art is today, is not.
[22:25]: And that's not me.
[22:25]: I'm not an artist. I don't think I ever will be. But I am me, and that makes me happy.
[22:27]: Heh, if I'm not an artist, I don't know what I am, apart from myself. I draw for my enjoyment. I don't create art. Not by today's definition. And you know what? That's fine. I don't even like today's art.
[22:27]: I did learn some interesting and useful skills.
[22:27]: But most of all, I learnt that I don't like art.
[22:28]: It makes sense to me. If it didn't, I'd be second guessing myself.
[22:28]: Constantly.
[22:29]: But it just fits. And for some reason, that makes all the bitterness and anger go away. Not even pushed away...it's just gone. All the things that made me angry, make me laugh.
[23:01]: It's hard to explain. Of all the research I did, and all the things I found out, I'm not an "artist" by today's standards.
[23:01]: I don't hate art. I just don't like it.
[23:02]: I can still sit back and enjoy Renaissance artists.
[23:02]: But not art today.
[23:02]: Today, art is bland, unimaginitive, and at times, downright stupid.
[23:02]: I like art that just looks nice.
[23:02]: And that is no longer considered art.
[23:03]: So in a strange way, I'm not an artist, and art was not what I loved.
[23:22]: The bitterness and jealousy I experienced for over a year tainted my thoughts, made me sad, upset, angry, depressed.
[23:23]: Then, as I was in the car, Skee driving the both of us home in the rain after a nice day out, chowing down on a vegan pie, I realised, all of a sudden, why I should let it go. Why it doesn't matter.
[23:23]: I don't like art, and I will never be an artist. That fact alone makes me happy.
[23:25]: I don't think that I want to be defined as an artist, because of how broad the views on art are.
[23:25]: I still draw, I still paint, I still enjoy all these things.
[23:26]: And if somebody thinks that something I do is "art", then great.
[23:26]: But I'm not an Artist.
[23:26]: I am me.
[23:27]: Everything I did in college, I realise now wasn't my work. It was what I was forced to do to make the grade.
[23:27]: What I do isn't "Art". It's what I do.
[23:28]: I don't want to be defined by a tag or a label. If people think I'm an artist, then sure.
[23:28]: But I don't want to say "I'm an Artist."
[23:28]: I never want to be one.
[23:28]: Ever.
[23:29]: I thought I wanted to be an artist.
[23:29]: But I don't.
[23:24]: If what I see now is what people call "artworks on the scale of Monet"
[23:24]: Then I don't want to be an artist.
[23:24]: And I'm glad I never became one.

That is all.
<3~